VENN DIAGRAM...

This weekend, my friend Ted threw what I believe was the worst party of all time, which has prompted me to create this cautionary visual aid.



Here's a tip: if your party develops any or, God forbid, all of these characteristics, shut it down. Also, beware of moving parties. Any so-called party that involves delivery pizza, beer you cannot keep cool because you have no fridge, and me loading all of your stuff into a U-haul is a direct affront to humanity. We out.

Other lame parties to watch out for:

• Cuddle parties


• Tupperware parties


• Book club meetings


• Parties of five


• Block parties


• Parties where e-vite is sent out more than two weeks in advance


• Non-wedding parties with printed invitations


• Wedding parties with printed invitations


• Office parties


• Parties with parlor games


• Parties where parlor games from previous lame parties are discussed to any extent


• Murder mystery parties


• Parties with themes besides "nudity"


• Parties like it's 1999


• The Whig party